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The Grief Process
Anyone that considers a pet a beloved friend, a companion, or family member knows the intense pain that accompanies the loss of that friend. Following are some tips on the grief process, what you can expect to feel, and what you can do about your feelings.
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Is it normal to hurt so much?
Intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural. Don't let anyone tell you that it's silly, crazy, or overly sentimental to grieve. During the years you spent with your pet (even if they were few), he/she became a a significant part of your life. They were a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional love and acceptance, of fun and joy.
So don't be surprised if you feel devestated by the loss of such a relationship.
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 | People who don't understand the pet/owner (or human/owner!) bond may not understand your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don't let others dictate your feelings. They are valid, and may be extremely painful. But remember, you are not alone. Thousands of pet owners have gone through the same feelings.
What Can I expect to Feel?
Different people experience grief in different ways. Besides your sorrow and loss, you may also experience the following emotions:
Guilt may occur if you feel responsible for your pet's death. The "If only I..." syndrome. It is pointless and often erroneous to burden yourself with guilt for the accident or illness that claimed your pet's life, and only makes it more difficult to resolve your grief.
Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet is really gone. It's hard to imagine that your pet won't greet you when you come home, or that they don't need their evening meal. Some pet owners carry this to extremes, and fear their pet is still alive and suffering somewhere. Others find it hard to get a new pet for fear of being "disloyal" to the old.
Anger may be directed at the illness that killed your pet, or at the veterinarian who "failed" to save his/her life. Sometimes it is justified, but when carried to extremes, it distracts you from the important task of resolving your grief.
Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave you powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme depression robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon your sorrow.
These are some things you may feel while coping with your loss. There are certain stages of mourning that everyone will experience. If you would like to view these, please click here now.
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What can I do about my feelings?
The most important step is to be honest about your feelings. Don't deny your pain, or your feelings of anger or guilt. Only by examining and coming to terms with your feelings can you begin to work through them.
You have a right to feel pain and grief!! Someone you love has died, and you feel alone and bereaved. You have a right to feel anger and guilt as well. Acknowledge your feelings first, then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify them.
| Locking away grief doesn't make it go away. Express it. Cry, scream, pound on the floor, talk it out. Do what helps the most. Don't try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet. Instead, reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand what your pet's loss actually meant to you.
Some find it helpful to express their feelings and memories in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies including rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have spent with your pet, preparing a memorial such as a photo collage; and talking to others about your loss.
Who Can I talk To?
Starting with a close relative or friend can often be a good source of comfort, particuarly if they have experienced a similar loss which will give them more understanding of your feelings and what you are going through.
If you need immediate support, you could speak to the excellent Samaritans Organisation. Visit their website - www.samaritans.org- to find your nearest number or call their national number which is: 08457 90 90 90 (UK).
There is also a specially setup pet bereavment support service run with the blue cross charity, which is on freephone : 0800 0966606 they are open from 8.30am to 8.30pm 7 days a week.
Remember the grief and feelings of loss you are experiencing is totally normal and is nothing to be ashamed about. If you are experiencing feelings of depression particuarly over an extended period of time, speak to your GP... there is no need to be experiencing these feelings long term, your Doctor will be able to help you. |
